Back to square 1

well... its been a long time.
as i look back, the last time i updated was on March 28.
today, its July 20.
its be how long?? 4 months.

i almost forgot how to blog. haha!

well.... i manage to get past the difficult part. (which is logging in)
now.... lets see if i remember how to do this.


hmmmm.... 4 months. and the topic i'm about to talk about doesnt vary much from what i published on March 28. funny isn't it. well.... thats my life. haiz.

yet again... i've lost my battle. the battle i fought and endured so much for so long. its just complicated. you know what, i think... we all shld get have a degree to fall in love. cause its just too complex for an individual to handle.

why does it have to be this way all the time? i thought there's such thing called a happy ending. what the hell happened to that? doesnt it apply the same way for me?

question i ask myself.... have i done enough?
the answer i tell myself... yes i have tried my best and done more then i can.
the answer you give me... i think you should just give up.

there's this saying that goes... i'll climb the highest mountain for you and bring the stars and the mood down. i think.... for me, i've done that in the humanly possible way.

i'd be there for u when u need me... i'd listen to you when u had your naggings... i'd be by your side when you're sick... i'd provide you my shoulder when u needed a quick nap. i'd bring u lunch and dinner cause i know you wont eat your meals... i'll spare and sacrifice time for you whenever i can... you know what... this list goes on and on. my point is.... i did everything for you. cause.... i know you're worth it.

i keep telling myself... the things i do for you can never compare to the happiness you give me. and that keeps me going.

i have to admit... i miss you whenever i dont get to see you. even for a day.
doesnt that mean love?

i just dont get it.... why do i love you so much but still, we keep fighting.

its been almost 2 years since i got to know you.... and 3/5 of the time, we're at opposite ends.
well, ppl tell me that... its all part and parcel of the relationship. its part of the learning experience. yes... i agree. but... if its happening everytime we meet. then, that's abit of a crash course dont you think so?
but even so... i still love you no less. thats just wierd.

i dont want it to be that way.... all i want and all i ever dream of is for us to be happy together. to really click and and enjoy one another's company.

its not normal, for the Farhan that ppl know, to settle down and decide on his future so early in his life. but then again... the Farhan now has changed. partly because of you.

you have changed me... and its not an easy task i have to admit.
its takes someone special. you have to mean something to me for that change to happen.

We get together... and break up. and the cycle will repeat itself. over and over again... dont you get sick of it? well, i do.

i remember telling you this...
- i've decided that i want to be with you and only you.
- i dont want anyone else but you
- i would only have you in my heart
- i dedicate myself to you
- i really really really love you.

why dont you believe me?
why isit so hard for you to love me?
after everything that we have been thru... i'm still here. doesnt that mean anything?

i'm not asking for anything much.... just you wholly.

give me time... and i'll show how much i can do for u.
just be patient.
like i've said before... i may not be the perfect lover. but i'm willing to learn.



I wonder how my life would be like from now on? It feels wierd without you.
I'm trying my best to be strong.
I'll be alright.... i think.

I'll always be here for you.