Saturday, February 9, 2008

Wondering thoughts

well, lets see...

lately i've been fairly occupied by work. yup... it can be said that 83.56% of my time is spent at the office. and out of the 83.56%, 68.39% of the time i'm on shift. well, that leaves with a percentage where i'm actually there but.... not contributing. if you know what i mean. matter of fact... as i'm typing this, i'm in ritz.

ladies and gentleman....
there's a reason why all these is happening i guess. usually... i would be heading home or having my own plans when i end work at either 3 or 11. but... i guess for now.... after work i'll usually hang ard. reason because... baby girl is working. yup yup. my 'motivation' to stay in the office. and one way or another... to be honest.... my 'pulling factor' to work.

well, i guess.... to make things work... somehow one has to sacrifice, give in and etc. and yes, i'm sacrificing to make things better i guess. considering we hardly have time to go out and all... so i suppose work is the only place we can spend more time together.

i feel that it does has its pros and cons....
the good side of it will be that i get to know her better... we interact with each other. we share our thoughts and all.
but the bad side of it will be.... we somehow will tend to get into lil quarrels, she see's the 'ugly' side of me, we disagree on certain views and etc.
so... i guess.... living this relationship is like a balancing scale. there's two side to it. and i guess we need a lil bit of both.

and lately.... i mean... just last nite. i had a chat with diyanah in the office. well, somewhat like a counselling session. haha! she mentioned something that i dont quiet agree with but i somehow i feel that it is needed if i want the relationship to work out. well, to summarise everything.... she mentioned that as a guy.... i have to ALWAYS to give in. no matter what she does or watever. reason to it.... i'm the MAN in the relationship. if i dont be that pillar of support where she can lean on? if i get angry or turn my back on her... she may not feel that i'll be there for her and she'll end up not opening up to me. and definately.... thats not what i want. i want my girl to open up, share her thoughts, feeling, opnions.... only then we can know each other much much better. but then again.... when you think of it... its kinda unfair. girls always get away with it. reason given by diyanah.... is that they are weaker. and being the MAN i have to be STRONG. i'am a man. but does that mean i cant have feelings too? i cant be upset? i cant be dissapointed? i'm still human afterall right? and being me.... i have lots of emotions. haiz.... i'm in a lil dilema.... shld i change and be someone i'm not because it is for the better. or... should i be myself and hopefully my partner will learn to accept me. honestly... i wont mind changing. but it will be hard for me. but i guess.... again, the word SACRIFICE comes in.

to end it off...
"i've done everything i can to make you happy... and i promise i wont stop there. i've ventured into this journey with you... and i'll promise it'll be till the end."
i hope you'll take me for me....

and yes.... for now.... i'll try my best not to be angry with her. i'll just keep it inside. we'll see if it work this way.


ps. i'll talk about my $5000 job offer in my next post. so... stay tuned

1:16 PM