Saturday, May 17, 2008

Random Thoughts

Last night.... I did some thinking.

I was all alone... enjoying my beer as random thoughts ran thru my mind.

I was thinking about my future. Stuff like how NS will be like, continuing my studies at a uni, my career, my family, my girlfriend and not forgetting my friends.

I wonder how life in NS will be like for me. With the discipline, confidence and enduring qualities i've gained from my band days, will i be able to apply it in army. Next, i wonder how tough it'll be in there. Physically.... i'm looking forward to it. But, i'm scared mentally i may not be able to. As in.... my major problem would be my temper. I'm not someone that will hold back my feelings. Will i end up flaring up to my officers?? haha! i wonder. I do wanna make this NS experience of mine a fulfilling one. Being an officer is an aim for me. Either that or a posting in the RSAF. it'llbe a dream come true if i ever get accepted for training as a cadet pilot. But it depends if i'm able to achieve it. Bottom line is i do my best thruout my NS period.

Next, about continuing my studies... I really need help in this. First of all, i totally missed this year's application period. I was so unaware of it. If i had applied atleast i'll know how i'll fair. Well, now it only leaves me with next year to apply. Not only that.... i'm kinda having a dilema in choosing what i wanna study. Some of my friends are venturing into finance, econs and etc. Stuff that i dont have a clue about. Such as stockmarkets, shares.... blah blah blah. They did mention that if they were to have a career in it, it'll be a high paying job. Much much much higher then an engineer. It does sound tempting.... but.... if i were to venture into it without having a clue what it is all about... wouldnt it be risky? I may end up not liking what i'm studying. So shld i or shld i not?? Can somebody pls advise me. Should i just stick to my Aerospace Industry or try something out of my confort zone. I wouldnt mind hospitality. But.... i have to think about the money that i'm making out of it too. Sigh... so many considerations. I'll slowly but surely decide.

Thinking about my career... I really really really wanna be a pilot. But, right now.... i'm not doing anything to achieve it. Some may say its still too early. But come to think of it, some of my friends my age already has a pilot license. While some of them are enrolling into flying schools and the RSAF. As for me.... Literally, i'm not 'fit' to be a pilot.... yet. Next... i dont have the cash to enrol into a flying school. If i could i'll definately enrol into one and forget about my uni studies. Hmmmm.... If my dream of becoming a pilot ever fails. I do have my backup... and that would be an aerospace engineer. But... come to think of it again.... i'm not someone that can get down and dirty. I rather keep my hands clean. I'm more into aerospace design or analysis but in singapore there's hardly companies offering that. And finally... i cant help but to think of a career in the hotel industry. Maybe i've been spending too much time in Ritz that i've grown used to the lifestyle there. But then again... what do i wanna do there. I'm definately aiming nothing less then a managerial post in a hotel. With my diploma and experience.... I believe i deserve it. But... come to think of it again... even a manager's pay cant compare to an engineer. Unless i really make it big. But again... its a risk. What if i dont? So....should i follow the engineer path, which pays alot but not really what i wanna be in. Or the hotel industry which i'm confortable in but not a high paying job?? how how how??? help!

Moving on... things between me and my family have been good. I hope this time it'll actually last. Maybe its a change for the better. They give me my space as long as i respect them like they deserve. So i guess its a give and take kinda thing. I hope everything goes on smoothly from now on. Maybe when the time is right and once everything is stable and i feel comfortable, i'll actually introduce Fidah to them. It'll be my first time.... so i guess it'll be tough.

And since i mention about Fidah, why not i just elaborate alil bit. hmmmm... lets see, i guess having a relationship is never easy. And staying in one is even tougher. It really takes alot of everything. Compromise and accomadation has to be done... understanding... giving in... Basically, if you're in a relationship you'll understand what i'm talking about. I believe i've given my best into this relationship. And i did mention to fidah...i may have forgotten to love. But... it doesnt mean i cant. Maybe it just takes time. Patience my dear... I may need your help. Help me thru this. Sometimes there are times where you feel like giving up but... giving up just an easy way out. I believe in fighting for what i want. I'm holding on cause i believe there's a future for us. So.... Fidah.... Pls have faith. Its tough... but.... its thru hardship that we learn to cherish what we have.

Finally, to all my friends. i dunno why, but thinking back, i just feel so blessed to have the friends that i know now. You all complete my life. I definately cant imagine a world without knowing all of you. All i hope now is that they'll stand by me thru the years.

5:39 PM