Sunday, November 9, 2008

A tribute to my grandma

Date: 041108
Time: 1615 hrs

We all knew that the day will come. It was just a question of when.
But still... when it was time, it still came as a shock to me.

Coincidentally... the night before, i thought of her for a second. Just wondering how she was doing. Never did i expect it to be a sign.

At the time the news was told to me... i had just finished my P226 technical handling lesson. All ready to change and head for dinner.... Untill, one of admin guys came up to me and broke the news.

If i could remember how my reaction was.... i think i just kept quiet for about 3 seconds. And then i ask the time he received it and what i had to do next. All that was in my mind was to get out of camp and rush down to my late grandma's house. So.... immediately i spoke to my platoon commander, my sargent.... and most of the admin procedures were done in about 15 mins. By 5.00pm i was out of the camp.

I wont deny the fact that i shed tears. It took some time for it to seeped thru. But when it finally did.... it was bad. I tried my best to control... but involuntarily, it just came down my face. I have to thank my mates who tried to console me and supported me. I knew i had to be strong.... But... i guess it was just too heart wrenching.

As i was on the journey home.... i felt all alone. I wish i had somebody by myside. During the bus ride... memories of the past just run thru my mind. I was reminded of how my grandma took care of me while i was young. The days where i would stay over at her place while my parents were working. Those days where she'll play with me, feed me and at times plant kisses on my then chubby cheeks. I still can remember clearly how it was last time. oh.... and hari raya was the best time of the year... cause granny will also give the most money! =) At that time... somehow i realised that i took all of it for granted. I guess.... its only when u lose something then you'll realise its worth.

Even till the last final moments.... i regretted something. I regretted not giving her the last kiss while she was on the bed. I didnt even touched her for the last time. I dont know why.... at that time i was reluctant. Or maybe i was just scared. once the burial was done.... in the bus.... i shed tears regretting not doing it. I'll never forgive myself for that.

Suddenly.... from that day onwards. I finally realised the reality of life. How it feels to lose somebody so close to u. The death of my grandma was my first. I lost my other grandparents even before i was born.

Somehow... this experience made me think. What if it happens to someone else?? What if my parents had to go?? I dont think there's anything i can do.... but to just cherish them now.

I'll miss my granny.
I never got the chance.... but.... i just want to thank her for everything that she's given me.
Hopefully life's better for her now.

2:24 PM